I'm halfway through my stay in Palestine and already grateful enough for two lifetimes that I was able to be a part of the Zajel Youth Exchange. I've met wonderful people in the local volunteers, at the Asker Refugee Camp, and in Nablus. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye in 7 days but I am appreciating each moment I have and soaking up every second until then.

I have so many stories but I'll only share one for now.

Today was a difficult day for me emotionally. Since I have arrived in Nablus, the local volunteers have been careful not to overwhelm us too quickly with the realities of the occupation. While they are obviously trying to help us realize the effects of the Israeli military and settler actions, they also try to show us the other side of Palestinian life so we don't turn to defensive despair or cynicism. As a result, we often experience a sort of sling-shot effect from the sadness, anger, and shock of touring refugee camps and listening to survivors' stories to the joy and excitement of dabke, canafe, Turkish baths and French-Arab hip-hop concerts. But today, no amount of lute playing and playfulness was going to keep me from being hit hard by the occupation.

We just returned from our first weekend off--I traveled w/some of the other volunteers to Jericho, the Dead Sea, and Ramallah. Despite a few hairy situations smuggling our Palestinian friend Mahonad through checkpoints and onto Israeli buses, we had a fantastic time playing in the mudbaths at the sea and dancing at the Snow Bar in Palestine's party central. After such a relaxing and wonderful weekend, then, returning today to the Askar Refugee Camp was bittersweet.

Of course, I was more than excited to see the children again, and today, I was helping to lead the art corner. I decided to show the children some famous paintings that convey and elicit strong emotions, such as Matisse's Jazz, Munch's Scream, and Van Gogh's Starry Night. Then, we asked the children to draw different emotions, like happiness, sadness, anger, and hope. While happiness and hope were represented differently for most of the children, with some drawing Christmas, family, flowers, or just colorful, gestural lines, for anger and sadness, nearly all of the children drew images of the occupation.Although cathartic for the children, it was desperately painful to watch them translate their childhood memories of these emotions for us. I had to quickly learn the Arabic words for explosion, tank, soldier, gun, prisoner, blood, and death. After the last group had left, I cried quietly as I packed away the colored pencils, crayons, and drawings.

I could continue writing this message--I could tell you about the lesson on the geopolitical history of the occupation we had tonight from my wonderful new friend Saed Abu-Hijleh, an instructor at An-Najah University. I could discuss in detail the reasons the Palestinian land has been reduced to a little over 10% of its original size in only 60 years as Israel has expanded its military and settler presence in both disputed and occupied territories or write about the nearly 1,000,000 internally and externally displaced refugees who are being told to "compromise" with Israel now for "peace." Or I could attempt to tell what it is like listening to Saed describe witnessing the murder of his mother, Shaden Abu-Hijleh, a peace activist in the Palestinian resistance who was assassinated by Israeli soldiers while she was embroidering on the front steps of her home. Perhaps reading some of his poetry about the experience would come close: http://www.remembershaden.org/poetry.htm.

But it wouldn't be enough for me to convey what I'm feeling right now--to help you understand why a simple arts and crafts made me weep today. I would have to tell the stories of every minute of the last 60 years and every second from here after until the occupation ends and a peaceful AND just solution has been reached.

Instead, I'll simply post a few of the children's pictures for you, and ask for you to do 15 minutes of your own research on the situation. Give the website http://www.palestineremembered.com 15 minutes of your time--give these people 15 minutes of your heart and mind. Then, perhaps we'll all begin to understand this a little better. For now, that's all I can ask of myself and any of you.

Much love,
Nik

Less than 48 hours until take-off. I'm beginning to feel the first waves of nervous energy. I still haven't a clue what to expect, but I'm trying not to let the easy path from that point be one of fear or feebleness. I feel unprepared (I am unprepared). I also feel excited, though. I know I need to take this experience in vignettes...if I view it as a whole, I'll be overwhelmed by the number of things I'm going to experience in the next 10 weeks. So I suppose I'll focus on the first segment of the trip--Israel. And I'll take it from there.

Goals for myself:

Be friendly.
Be kind.
Try something new each day that makes me a little nervous.
Shed insecurity about being "the stupid foreigner."
Don't panic.
Walk slowly.
Don't shy away from people.
Really listen to others.
Try to really see them, too.
Learn something each day.
See something every day that could have been easily and sadly overlooked.
Give myself permission to make mistakes.

I'm sure I'll add to this list as I begin this trip, but for now, this'll do.